Where Metal Fades to Skin
by LokisChaosInLove
Summary: Love story of the reader who is also an Avenger and the Winter Soilder Bucky Barnes


I lightly trace the scars across his chest and stomach. He won't be here in the morning, he never stays until morning. He opens his deep blue eyes, lifting my fingers to his mouth, kissing each one delicately. I'm the only one that sees this part of him, the only one that he allows this intimately close. "You know I have to leave soon sweetheart." He says caressing my face. I shake my head and sigh, "I know" I kiss his chest now, moving my hand so that my fingers are trailing his strong jaw line. "Are you sure you don't want to stay?" He looks at me so seriously, "I'll see you tomorrow at the training, right?" I smirk, "Oh I don't know Buck, thinking about taking a personal day." He kisses my forehead, smiling widely at me. "Oh Tony'll love that." He slides from my grasp and begins to redress. I prop myself up on my elbow, I hated him leaving but it really wasn't like I wouldn't see him again in a few hours. We just pretended not to like one other. It was getting old but I understood his need for the secrecy. This was the only thing he thought he could control. He catches me staring and leans down to kiss me once more, leaving lingering little lighter kisses on my bottom lip. His ice blue eyes cause my stomach and chest to be filled with butterflies, I was indeed in love with James Buchanan Barnes. Those eyes of his are so full of sorrow and pain but in this moment they seem unbroken. They look into me adoringly and it makes me want to pull him back into my bed. "Tomorrow Doll" He smiles at me running his finger across my lips, I smile back. "Tomorrow" He shuts the door behind him and I collapse into my pillows. He was an amazing lover, that was one of the perks of Bucky but lately things had been feeling more serious. Not that I was complaining, I was very fond of Bucky, he was just wounded. I spent most of our time together making him feel worthy of my affections. He believed himself a monster. He wasn't, he was amazing. The past haunted him and prevented him from being happy, except for the short time we stole away. Those were the times I liked Bucky best. He wasn't a solider then, he was just mine.

As soon as he walked onto the training floor I could see his aggravation. The tension in his body and face were strong. Did something happen? Maybe it was Nat, Sam, Wanda and my loud music but I just knew I had my work cut out for me today. While we laughed and cut up, he was being a drill sergeant while trying to train with Steve, Tony and Clint. Demanding everyone train harder. "What's wrong with the old guys?" Sam says in his cocky way. I shrug and turn the radio up. We are really working our asses off. I keep forgetting that Steve and Buck are old men, so the expression on their faces when the music gets louder and we train harder is funny to me. They still aren't used to this point of time. I don't like pissing Buck off but it's so easy most days. I usually make up for it with stolen kisses later in the day. I think his guilt coupled with him trying to be a better person gets the best of him. He is trying to outshine his name, he's no longer the Winter Solider. He's screaming now. "TURN IT OFF!" He's never yelled at me before, yelling orders across to us in a mission is one thing but this is different. I don't know if it pisses me off or hurts my feelings. "No!" I assert. The look he gives me burns through my soul. I walk over and turn it down, still staring at him. "What's wrong with you Barnes?" "You!" "What?" I asked shocked. "You're not training, you're treating this like a game!" "What are you talking about Bucky? I train my ass off like everyone else here!" He walks up to me, his 6ft frame towering over me. "Doesn't look like it, looks like you're playing games and wasting time!" I didn't mean to say what came out next but I was irritated and upset with how he was acting towards me...only me, the same woman he held last night. The same girl he'd been sneaking out to see and make love to for the last six months. "Fuck off!" His eyes only stared harder.

"Language guys!" "Oh shut up Steve!" Nat pulls me toward her. "We've all been working our asses off Bucky, what's your problem?" He says nothing but continues to stare me down. This is beyond us pretending not to like one another, honestly I'm upset and a bit hurt. "Everyone calm down!" Sam looks serious. "If she's trained so well then kicking my ass will be easy, right? Isn't that what you always say? You're going to kick my ass?" I don't know what happened to the sweet loving Bucky I had last night but I am over this bullshit. "Sure I can!" He steps in front of me, fighting stance and ready to go. I assume my stance, he easily takes my legs out and I'm on my back staring up at him. I get up ready to go again, his ocean blue eyes are burning with a fire I've never seen from him. He immediately takes me back down. He stands me up and I roll my eyes "Whatever! I got better shit to do!" I grab my water bottle and walk out, I only meant to walk out the room but I kept going, I walked out the tower and ended up back home. Steves upset because clearly he doesn't know what's going on with Buck and now there's drama on the training floor. "Why are you being a dick, Barnes?" Clint asks. "Way to go!" Tony laughs. I don't hear anything else because I keep walking. I do hear the door slam behind me and I assume it was Bucky watching me leave or going back to his room. I didn't bother finding out. My phone goes off a dozen times. It's Nat and she's worried. I tell her I'm fine, I just need to sleep. Barnes is always going to be a dick. I'm exhausted. She agrees to stop bothering me as long as I sleep tonight and get back to training tomorrow. I tell her she's got a deal. I am legitimately confused as to what's happening with Bucky and I. Why would he act like that. I wait for a text or a call or even him showing up but he never comes.

The next morning I am back on the training floor. Headphones in, ignoring everyone, practicing my knife throws. I see Bucky through the corner of my eye. I ignore him. The day wears on, training gets extreme. Wanda and Vision are simulating scenarios for us, I think I'm doing well until Mr Barnes shows up beside me. It's like he's watching my every move. I still try to ignore him. I check the door, clear the room, on to the next, check the door, clear the room. I stick behind Clint, he shoots I lay explosives. I'm doing well until I trip over my own bag and cause Clint and Nat both to get jammed up in the door. The simulation ends. I lay there in the floor, staring up at the ceiling trying to not cry in front of the Avengers. And there he is staring down at me, all the sweetness I loved about him seemed to leave his eyes. "You're not working hard enough! You need to be better!" I feel this in the pit of my stomach. I'm in no way sensitive but he is cutting through to the bone and it's breaking me down. I look at him a few seconds more and then roll over. I get up and set up things so the simulation can be done again. I keep quite except calling out coordinates and orders. I stay clear of Bucky but it's like he's on my ass the whole time. Do better or move quicker.

I'm glad for the day to be over. I need to run on the treadmill and like 20 beers. Nat, Wanda and I set up the radio. We run on the treadmills and destress from the training. We move our little party to the living area of the tower. Popcorn, pizza, beer, music, 3 hyper girls, a very amused and in love with Wanda Vision, Clint who just wanted to go home, party time Sam, professor Banner that loved Nat, proper Cap telling us how inappropriate we were being and a very sulky Bucky Barnes. Our favorite IronMan apparently had plans with beautiful Miss Pepper Potts. Tonight was going to be fun but I really wanted to break Bucks metal arm off and beat him with it. Nat, Wanda and I are dancing around drinking our beers, being young girls. Bucky is intently watching me wearing the look of desperation that I loved so much. I really didn't get him but he wasn't about to ruin my night. If he hated me then so be it, I'd still love him anyway. He just didn't know it.

His looks at me were intense, I took in all his stares. Even if he was being the hugest ass I've ever met he was still gorgeous and it still made me feel pretty to have his eyes glued to me. Glancing at him, I knew that there was something wrong. Something he couldn't say, something he couldn't convey. I didn't ask him, I stared back. My eyes locked directly into his, he blushed, I smirk. I keep looking when I thought no one else saw me. I remember the first time I saw him. As broken and damaged as he was, he was also beautiful and he needed love. Hydra fucked him up but I knew somewhere in there was a man worthy of life. I'll never forget the moment things with us went from strangers to lovers. I'll never forget the first kiss we shared and how his whole body trembled because he was scared that his mechanical arm would hurt me when I insisted on holding me with that hand because he wasn't a monster. He isn't a monster. I sit beside Nat who's low key flirting with Bruce and this makes me giggle. "When are you going to tell him?" "Huh?" She slides closer! "When are you going to tell Barnes you love him! I already know you are hooking up!" I smirk "As soon as you tell Bruce the same!" She smiles and nudges my arm. I sigh "Men!" She smiles and slides me another beer.

While we are having a blast, Tony calls in out of thin air it seemed and tells us we're needed. "I need you girls sober and ready!" "We got it Tony!" Wanda giggled. "Yeah nothing like having the shit scared out of you to sober you up!" I roll my eyes. "Language ladies!" I stick my tongue out at him, shake my head and head out to get my gear. I get seated in the jet. I blare music into my ears, avoiding Bucky. Right now, at this second I couldn't handle his doubt of my ability to be here. I was good enough weather he believed that or not. Nat walks by, pats my hand and gestures toward Bucky who's still staring at me. "You got an issue Barnes?" The sadness in his eyes and perfect curve of his lips almost made me lose my nerve. "Yeah, I don't think you need to be on this op!" Ouch, why was he being so mean. Jerk! "And why's that??!?!" The corners of his mouth twitched. I could see the anger seething off him. He doesn't say anything, I put my headphones back on. I wish I could kick his ass or kiss him. I'm not sure which.

Landing hidden in the mountains, we sync our coms and jobs are handed out. Nat, Thor and Clint on defense. Steve, Bucky, Banner on lookout. Sam, Vision and Tony guarding Wanda and I. And Wanda and I are to retrieve the master chip. I bounce up and down, psyching myself up...I got this, I got this! We set out. Bucky grabs my wrist before I step out the jet, he places a small knife in my hand and wraps my fingers around it. As if I'm not geared up enough on my own. His pale blue eyes silence whatever bullshit I was about to throw at him. His hand is caressing my face, his thumb grazes my bottom lip. "Be careful please!" He walks in the direction of Steve and Bruce. Is this dude for real I think to myself. The trek down the mountain was rough, I must have tripped twice. I kept going. I could feel Bucks eyes burning through the back of my head. We enter the Hydra base, my heart pumps overtime. We separate, Wanda and I sneak through the base. We only encounter two officers, which Wanda makes sleep. Things are going way too easy to be done. Sure enough we get surrounded on the way back out. I call for Nat, she's caught up but will be on her way soon. I call for everyone else, hung up. Fuck! "Uhhh Barnes, Rogers, Banner, We could really use a hand! Not a joke on you Buck!" I laugh to myself. I hear him before I even see him. "Told you that you didn't need to be on this Op!" "Oh shut up Bucky! Just help me!"

He does help and he's good at being an asskicker. And gorgeous! Im distracted, I'm caught, the hydra officer has me by the throat. "Wiiinnnttteeerrr Sooolliiiiidddeerrr! I have your friend!" Bucky stops dead in his tracks. His icy eyes settle on my face. "That's right, settle down. All we want is you back. I'll let her go and take you back. All your friends will be safe!" By this time everyone has made it to the control room where Wanda and I got caught. There are gunshots and screaming and it's hard to concentrate. "Don't listen to him Barnes! He's not going to let us go!" His face twists up, this look I've seen before. I remember the first time I talked to him. Unworthy, he thought he was unworthy. He walks slowly towards the officer and I. "Stop Bucky!!" He tightens his grip on my throat and my eyes start to water. My feet start to dangle off the ground. Bucky's eyes are open wide, like he'll never see me again. "Ohh come on Solider, you know you're not one of them!" "Bu...Bucky" I choke through the officers grip. "Bucky, it's ok! Don't believe his bullshit! You know you belong with us!" "Let her go! You can take me!" My eyes settle on him, full of anger. "Noooo! Bucky you can't do this!" "It's ok darlin'. It's all ok!" He gets closer. I close my eyes, stay strong, you got this! "Barnes don't let him in your head! Don't give up! You're an avenger too!" My toes are barely touching the floor now. I'm gasping. "Solider you don't want your friend to die do you?" My hand is on my pocket, the small knife is still there. I slide my hand in and open it inside my pocket. I look Bucky dead in his eyes, forcing my actions with the last bit of air in my lungs. "Hey Buck! I love you! Let's finish this!!!" I pull my hand out my pocket, I lift my arm and jam it in the officers leg with all my might! He squeezes my throat tighter and I slug him in the neck but that's it.

That's all my strength. My eyes are heavy now and I just want to sleep. I heard a scream of anger from Bucky and Nat being badass as usual. Bucky rips me from the officers grip. Oh man that mechanical arm. I hear nothing else, I just know it's over. I know it's over because I'm held tightly in Bucky's metal arm. The cold metallic feel is completely wrapped around me. I can open my eyes now, I'm still dizzy but I'm alive. I still have the chip which I automatically hand to Steve. "Take this. Like now!" Thor helps me through the trek back up the mountain with Buck and Steve trailing behind. "He loves you, you know!" "What?" I'm still dazed. "Barnes, he loves you, like I love Jane!" "Oh yeah? How do you know?" He stops and looks at me, "How do you not?" I shrug. I chuckle to myself "Oh yeah, he's great at showing it!" Thor laughs and we keep ascending in silence. Back in the jet I lay on the ground by my seat for a few minutes. Trying to process the nights events. My throat hurts and I'm sore all over. I need a glass of whiskey, a hot bath and to sleep for like 3 days. Bucky is seated in front of me. Everyone else is discussing the mission. I hear his chair swivel towards me. Well here we go, I can't deal with his attitude right now. Silent tears run out my eyes and on to the floor. He's standing over me again, I open my eyes and his beautiful ones no longer angry and cold.

"What? What's wrong now Barnes?" I call up to him. Irritated and angry at him still. He doesn't say anything he just keeps looking like his heart is broken. "You're freaking me out dude!" He squats down beside me, he pulls me up so I'm sitting straight up. "Please don't ever do that again!" "Do what? What did I do this time?" "You were going to leave me damnit!" His voice was broken and raspy. "Where was I going?" I whispered breathlessly. His presses his forehead to mine his hands on my cheeks. He chokes over his words. "I...I can not live without you. I know I've been an ass lately. I don't want you going on missions. I want you safe at home. I left your house the last night we spent together and I knew before I left I didn't want to lose you but what if something happened to you because of me, because of what we do. I couldn't deal with it Doll. So I tried to push you away and not feel anything. I can't do that either." My heart is racing, my head is swimming. "You can't live without me Bucky?" I can't breathe again. I wished for a second we were back in battle. "I can't!" He whispered in my ear. His mechanical hand is placed over my heart now and it's beating wildly for him. "Did you mean it Doll? Do you love me?" I nod, I can hardly form the words. I swallow the lump stuck in my throat. "Yea...Yes James, I do love you. I have for a while now but I didn't want to push you away. Every night we've spent together I wanted to tell you." He wraps his arms around me, scooping me off the floor and sitting me on his lap. He's pulling me into him and I let him. My arms wrap themselves up in him. "I love you too Sweetheart. I have since the day we met! You make me believe I'm no monster!" I don't move, I just hold on to him. This is where I want to be. There is a roar of clapping and screaming from behind us. Everyone on the jet heard everything. "We are so glad this is sorted out! Can we debrief now!" Tony gives his look of approval. I smile from ear to ear.

Bucky kisses a line across my collarbone and send shocks throughout my whole body. I run my hands through his hair. "You want to stay tonight Buck?" He continues to kiss me, paying all his attention to my bruised neck and throat. "Doll I will stay as long as you want me too!" I roll my eyes, "Guess you're stuck here then Barnes!" He lays back on the pillow, his face looked horrified. "Are you sure you want me around more?" I slide my hand up his chest, "James Barnes I want you around forever! Stop over thinking. Just remember that you belong to me, I belong to you and we belong together!" I kiss the sides of his face, his mouth, his neck, his chest and the scarring where the flesh of his body fades into a metallic arm. "I love you Bucky Barnes!" He kisses me hard on the mouth. "I love you too. I'll always be yours!"


End file.
